As you probably already know, SF flicks have often fed us enough bullshit to fill up a swimming pool. And since most of those flicks take place in the near (or distant) future of human race, it's no surprise we were fed up a lot of crap about how our future will turn out to be. Sure, we were dissapointed when we realized that flying skateboards will NOT be available by 1999, or that we will never have flying cars, but come on! Those things were utterly retarded from the start, and nobody believed that was possible anyway. Wishful thinking is one thing. BELIEVING something would actually happen is completely different.
Despite SF flicks, I kind of knew, even as a kid, that the Terminator will not come back to protect me from my future enemies, and that I will never battle space pirates with laser guns.
But we also had those cool "dark future" flicks that were supposed to tell us how fucked up our future might be if we don't behave like good boys. And by "dark" I mean "Completely cock-smashing AWESOME!!!". In some cases, those visions of our future seemed even plausible, altou not very likely to happen.
No, I'm not talking about zombie apocalypse, because that's a complete bullshit.
Come on, zombies aren't real! Let's face it, despite all the "zombie hype" of the recent years, they're nothing more then fictional monsters created for the sole purpose of criticizing human society. Depending on what's fashionable to criticize this week by a bunch of Indie-loving, tofu-munching hipster douchebags. It's either mindless consumerism ("Dawn Of The Dead"), camera whoring ("Diary Of The Dead"), retardedness of the army ("28 Weeks Later"), or general retardedness of the retarded ("Land Of The Dead"). Be that as it may... zombies aren't fucking real, and they never will be!
Sorry, guys, not this time...
And I'm not talking about a Terminator-style "super-intelligent computer destroys mankind because we're assholes" either. In a world where my pixel enemies from an FPS game are so fucktarded they constantly run into walls, while ignoring their mate who just had his head blown off 2 meters away from him... Well, let's just say that "humans creating intelligent artificial intelligence" scenario seems not only highly unlikely, but completely idiotic.
Yeah, I don't really think we'll ever be able to see that either, but what the hell... It was a cool movie.
I'm not even going to mention "Mad Max" scenarios of post-nuclear wasteland, because that sound even more unlikely, considering the fact that the Cold War is over.
No, not that either... sorry.
No, the most plausible future scenario we can have is the all-famous "dystopian future". Where humanity is reduced to a bunch of shallow, uncaring shells of human beings, everyone is miserable, there is a totalitarian government/corporation on top of all, and everything is run by high-tech stuff. Be it George Orwell's "1984.", or Spielberg's "A.I.", it's always some miserable high-tech faschist shit. No, seriously. Those movies really make it clear on us. We're gonna end up in a neo-Nazi state by 2000. Hell, we were supposed to go to Jupiter along with a homicidal supercomputer on board by 2001. Instead, look at where we are. The fact that I'm not stabbing a radioactive Nazi raccoon right now probably makes Orwell, Clarke and Huxley spin in their graves, even as we speak.
Just look at that radioactive Nazi bastard!!!! Quickly, gut that fucker!!!!!!
But even tough I don't support any kind of totalitarianism, especially not the Nazis (hell, I'd be happy to drive a chainsaw through their guts, in case they ever return as zombies), I have to admit that some of those visions of the future don't seem so bad at all. Just think about it... How are all those "dystopian" societies portrayed in those movies? Let's try to analyze some of them, shall we?
1.) "Equilibrium"
In "Equilibrium", also known as "the most kickass SF film ever made", Christian Bale jumps into shoes of Cleric Preston, yet another stereotypical savior of mankind from it's evil overlords. Bla bla bla, 10 fight scenes later, Bale kills the main villain and human race is free again to... feel.
Wait, what the fuck?!
In case you didn't see the movie, it all takes place in not-so-distant future where all the humans are being fed "Prozium", a drug that makes you feel... well, nothing. It literally takes away your ability to feel anything. So, forget about being excited about the first boob you grab, guys! Sounds horrible, right? It would, if all the people didn't live in a freakin' Utopia.
So let's get this straight... In "Equilibrium" world, there is no crime. No poverty. No starvation. No pedophiles. No rapists. No war. No disease. No pollution. No mass graves of civilians butchered by some militia.
Society is in perfect order, and justice system doesn't exist, because there's no need for one. Everyone and everything is controlled by guys in black leather trenchcoats and black helmets, led by a group of elite "Clerics". Also known as "official ass-kickers". There have been such a breakthroughs in medical science that there are no sick people, no genetically defect people, no ugly fat monstrosities posing as humas. For fuck's sake, do you ever see a person wearing GLASSES in a dystopian future? That's because there's no fucking need for them!
Besides, you can always enlist to become "official assk-kicker" yourself, since all your defects you might've had have long since been cured. If studying martial arts all day long, EVERY SINGLE DAY and wearing black trenchcoats is your thing (and it damn well should be, if you're a man), then this is the place for you!
And they'd all give that up... so there could be emos?!?! Wait, are you out of your fucking mind?!?!
We're not talking about a world where the Nazis took over, or where an evil dictator killed all the puppies. Sure, some might argue that your "personal freedom" is taken away, but who gives a shit about that when you live comfortably in a nice apartment, drive awesome future cars, kick asses for a living, the streets are clean and no one is starving? Think about it, and you'll see why I rooted for the trenchcoat-wearing bad guys with masks, instead of ragtag bunch of unshaved hippies fighting for "freedom".
If you think that's worse then a world where we're more interested in drunk celebrities then progress of science and living standards, then my friend, good luck with that! You can bitch about your shitty job and turn all your life problems into a melodrama on Twitter. Maybe Kim Kardashian will like it. As for me, I'm off to become a "Cleric".
2.) A.I.
Ah, who could forget "Artificial Intelligence"... A two-and-a-half-hour long rape of all your senses, courtesy of Steven Spielberg. But seriously, it wasn't a bad movie. If it wasn't for Spielberg, a sissy movie about a robot kid trying to get his mommy to hug him would turn out even worse (if that's possible). But since it was Spielberg after all, I managed to watch the movie without vomiting, and even admire some of it's beautiful visuals. Seriously, that guy can turn every crap into a good movie. Even "Munich". How the hell does he do that?!?!
Anyway, in this "dystopian" SF flick, Earth has become so densely populated that there simply aren't enough resources to go around. Add to that a few ecological fuck-ups and the future is set! So some evil corporation decided to make robots that do everything humans are supposed to do, while not wasting any precious resources like food and oxygen.
Of all the dark SF flicks about fucked-up future, this one seems to be the most plausible. After all, people (especially the idiots) are having way too many kids. It's already crowded enough here as it is, and without famine, disease or great wars that would otherwise thin out the population (leaving only the fittest), it's only a matter of time before we outnumber both rats and cockroaches 10:1. So I wouldn't be surprised if young married couples would need a special permission to have even ONE dumb kid, let alone 3 or 4. Just like in this movie.
And again, this oh-so-dark vision of the future is a freakin' Utopia!
Again, there is no pollution because humanity was forced to start taking care of their environment. No one is starving, and everyone is more concerned about having fun, and fucking hot female sexbots then....
Woe, hold on a second! Hold on just ONE FUCKING SECOND!!!! SEXBOTS?!?!?!?! As in "female robots designed only to be sex slaves"?
Holy shit, do I even need to explain this?! Let's get one thing straight, once and for all... A world where you can fuck Gigolo Jane for a few extra bucks wherever, whenever and however the hell you want is not a Dystopia. It's a goddamn Paradise! Hell, you can even save some money, buy your own Gigolo Jane and call it a day! Just like I do with airsoft rifles. Who gives a shit about having kids?!
And just in case you really really really want to have a kid, well... buy a godamn robot! All the pros and none of the cons of having a real kid. Case closed!
3.) Ultraviolet
I know, I know... that movie was horrible! I disliked Milla Jovovich ever since "The Fifth Element". After "Resident Evil", I started to downright hate her. And after "Ultraviolet" I was seriously thinking about buying a flamethrower and showing up on her doorstep with a full tank. But never-the-less, the world in which this piece of shit movie takes place is also considered to be dystopian.
By who? Well, probably those tofu-munching, bisexual, pacifist, scarf-wearing, artsy-fartsy, hippie asshole types. You know, the kind of sissies that dislike guns, MMA, Heavy Metal and generally everything a goddamn MAN should like. And prefer depressing European art films over good old action, explosions and boobs. Yeah, those assholes. Anyway...
The technology in the world of Ultraviolet has gone so far you can literally store an entire warehouse into your pocket. Don't even ask me how. You just can. At every moment you can carry six assault rifles, three handguns and a goddamn sword, along with thousands of rounds of ammo. And you can pull any of those out in a blink of an eye, ready to spread some terror. The best part? No one, not even the high-tech securiti can detect any of it. How FUCKING great is that?! And that's only one tiny bit of what the technology can do. In this movie, technology literally means magic. Of course the streets are clean. Of course there are sexbots. Of course everyone has tons of guns. It's a freakin' Paradise!
And to add cream to your cake, a mysterious "disease" is spreading, turning humans into blood-sucking supermen. For some reason, that is considered to be a bad thing in this movie. But fuck that!
I'd take my chance to become a gun-wielding vampire superman over Reality TV, Facebook and celebrity sex tapes any time, thank you very much. So what are we waiting for? The future awaits, my friends!
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